Jokes

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.”

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered, “just pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this, Honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” She replied non-chalantly. “The smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

“How about having sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,” shouted the murderer.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,” said the necrophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,” said the pyromaniac.

Silence took over… and the masochist says:

“Meow.”

August 16, 2011. Tags: Jokes Women Bed lover Baby. Uncategorized.